Insect

I was an artist once upon a time... I say that because I was. When I was little, all I ever did was draw and doodle. I got different awards throughout my school years. It is funny childhood (elementary school) friends remember me as..."I thought you would be an actress" or "I pictured you as a famous artist".
Boy am I a disappointment... My life is "Murphy's law" - Oh I could list many things that fall in that category for me. Blessings are less than the bad Karma that seems to be my essence.

"Murphy's law" and depression pretty much guided me. I had two people who encouraged my art and that was a teacher and an aunt. But there were others that condemned (that's a whole other story). Otherwise I had no one else, so I just put it on the back burner with any other dreams I may have had.. I did not go to school for a year and then when I did... I went to a school that did not offer art. In fact I did not go to school for pretty much anything. I suffered depression and wasted 4 years. Over all I had no career paths or opportunities to follow. I still drew, doodled kept my passion hidden in a closet.
God gave me a gift and I could not use it because it wasn't logical or practical. I supposed if I was raised in New York or Los Angeles, I may be somewhere now. I perhaps would have learned to hobnob with those that matter and find opportunities and folks who might support my talent (but then My shyness and or perhaps humility probably wouldn't have allowed that either). I moved back home and with Mom.

Ten years after I graduated High school, I decided I need ART. I went back to school and graduated Deans list and an A student in visual art. I came back home, my mother now in her 70's and having all the health issues that accompany old age, It was time to help Mom. So I got a part time job, and during that time I was going to be with Mom and pursue a career in art. Well I almost got there. I had some pieces exhibited in a gallery in SOHO, New York City. I thought maybe I was on my way. But Murphy's law returned. My mother had hip surgery, then cancer.

So after 21 years. Now what do I do.? I would like to say just slit my wrists and get it over with... BUT I have failed at that in the past too.
For the first time in 10 years I picked up a canvas to paint on. I am an artist. BUT does that mean anything?